A Shameful Story I Was Afraid To Share
This Thanksgiving, I wanted to do something different. I want to open up a depressing story I had unconsciously repressed for many years…
During my first year at Brown, I built an online education platform that helped Brazilian students find jobs. When I saw a generous alumnus offering office hours through the entrepreneur center, I got excited about the prospect of showing him this side project. He had a successful career in startup investing, and I was eager to learn from him to benefit my project. “This is going to be the perfect match,” I thought to myself.
While I was waiting for my turn, I overheard a conversation between the alumnus and another student mentee. Just like me, he was young and inexperienced. Just like me, he was interested in the startup arena but didn’t know where to start. Compelled by his enthusiasm, the alumni mentor shared a series of financial modeling training he put together for a program. They clearly bonded, and I was impressed by the generosity of the alumni mentor.
When it was my turn, I went in, greeted the mentor, and told him about my project. When I began to share the problem I was facing, he cut my elevator pitch short. The alumnus didn’t look excited at all. Instead of letting me finish the sentence, he frowned and took a look at his phone. He made me feel like I was wasting his time. Then he looked back into my eyes, put on a deeper tone, and advised, “It’s hard to help someone who doesn’t speak good English. You should learn to speak first. Then you can worry about the startup strategy.”
The brutal feedback made me pause and wonder whether I was speaking to the same person I patiently waited outside the room to speak with, the same person who had been so supportive of the other student. At that time, I stuttered and blushed, further proving his point that my English was not deserving of his attention.
That fifteen-minute shaming hit me hard. I remained silent and lost the confidence to speak up for myself. I didn’t know how to call out his bias. Instead of speaking up and pointing out his ignorance, I let the stereotype define me.
I lost the confidence to pitch to any other investors for the next six months. I began to question myself and overlooked my unique set of entrepreneurial skills. Whenever we had to pitch, I retreated and let my cofounder do the talking, adding a few notes if needed. I never brought up this issue to anyone, not even my cofounder. Only after many pitches and years did I realize that I wasn’t the one who needed to be sorry.
A few years later, I still felt passionate about venture capital. When another opportunity arose, however, I refused to remain silent.
When questioned by another angel investor about whether I was qualified, I showed him my track record and the unique career experiences few people had at my age. I knew who I was. I knew my voice was powerful. Therefore, I took complete control, pushed back his stereotypes, and proved myself.
My self-awareness changed his perceptions. My conviction gave me the power to tell the story on my own terms. It is so rare that we have a chance to change the stories in our past. It is so rare that we get a chance to amend our memories of being shamed and quieted in the past.
This story of silencing and stereotyping is not unique to me. And neither should be the story of breaking away from the stereotype and speaking up. We risked invalidating all our past accomplishments to start from scratch and dive into a new culture without much guidance.
However, we rarely know, let alone celebrate, how far we have come. With this book, I hope to shatter the model minority stereotype and show why our individual stories and histories matter. As model breakers, we move beyond the stereotypes, powerfully own who we are, and realize our full potential.
No matter which group you belong to, you're here because you care about the story that is often hidden from data and headlines. In this book, you will learn about how lack of self-awareness made us vulnerable and how lack of community made us victims of the model minority stereotype. You will learn how to challenge the beliefs that kept us quiet and turn limiting stereotypes into powerful narratives.
Let’s break the model minority together.
Thank you for being a part of this journey.
You all read my letters, send me questions, and continue to inspire, educate, and challenge me. You are the people who inspired me to work hard even when life is tough. If you are interested in helping me spread the word, please send me an e-mail at charlene [at] livingos [dot] org, and let’s brainstorm some ideas together.
Happy Weekend,
Charlene
You are so strong, Charlene!